German Ridiculosity Part 2: Bureaucracy!

While I'm sure applying for a residence or work visa in America is also ridiculously difficult, Germans take paperwork to a new level of ridiculosity. When it's not the Einwohnermeldeamt or the Ausländerbehörde, it's the Sparkasse or the Hausverwaltung. For a country so concerned with being eco-friendly, they sure do make a lot of photocopies! In fact, every time I pass the photocopy shop, there is always a big line of people waiting to make copies. I think it's a national obsession. Indeed, I already have a stack of papers with various signatures and official-looking stamps on them, and I don't even have my visa or my Student ID yet.

For this reason, I thought I would provide a rough (yet perhaps somewhat helpful) guide for Americans trying to set up shop in Germany. (And by "set up shop" I really just mean "live." Actually setting up a shop would likely mean a gazillion more Behörden, Formulare, and Bestätigungen about which I have not the slightest clue.)

1. Before You Go:

Find out the order in which you need to go to particular offices.

Before you leave America, it is a good idea to investigate which offices you need to visit and in which order you need to visit them. The order may vary depending on the Bundesland you will be living in. You can usually find this information buried somewhere in the depths of the city's or province's homepage. If you are planning to attend university in Germany, get in touch with their Auslandsamt via email, and ask the zuständige person for advice. (German universities usually have an international office or at least one person who advises international students. However, these people are often very busy, so contact them far enough in advance to give them time to respond.)

Make sure you have everything you need.

This, too, will vary depending on what you intend to do in Germany and where you intend to live. However, there are some basic things you will likely need at some point:

a) Your Passport - Duh. You can't get into the country without it. But you will also need to show your passport to practically every office you go to around here. And nearly everyone who asks for it will first look down at your picture, then skeptically back up at you, then back down at the picture. They will then thumb through your passport, checking out all your stamps to see where you've been (even if this is completely unnecessary). Finally, they will go make a photocopy of it. I think there has to be at least 50 copies of my current passport hanging out in various files in Germany. Oh - and speaking of copies, it's not a bad idea to keep a few of your own on file, just in case.

b) Biometrische Fotos - You'll need some very serious-looking passport photos to give various offices. And as you can see in the photos below, the Germans do not want you looking smug, coy, shifty, or even happy. So put your serious face on, and get some pictures taken before you go.

c) Proof of Health Insurance - The Germans require you to be insured. If you do not have health insurance, you will need to get it while in Germany.

d) Any and all letters of invitation, official documents, or other correspondence you have regarding your stay in Germany - Some offices won't believe that someone in Germany has actually asked you to be here. If a university, business, or other institution has officially invited you, bring a copy of that letter along. If it has signatures and an official-looking stamp on it, all the better. (Note: If you're planning on doing graduate studies at a German university, you should get a German professor to invite you. You often need a letter from him to get registered.)

e) Your current student ID (if you have one) - It's not what the Germans want to see when you're opening a student bank account, but they will often hesitatingly accept it as proof that you are, in fact, a student. Student IDs also get you mad discounts at the movies, museums, and other places.

f) Other necessary documents (see below) - If you're registering for university, you will need other documents to prove you're not a high-school dropout. If you're planning to work, you will probably need something showing how you are more competent than a German to perform the duties required by the job.

2. Get a German bank account.

Although it may seem to be a hassle, opening a German bank account is practically necessary if you plan on living in Germany for more than a few months. First, many German stores do not accept credit cards, and since most U.S. banks only allow you to withdraw a certain amount of money per-day, you may find yourself in a pickle when trying to buy something expensive. (There are also generally fees associated with withdrawing cash from a foreign ATM, which can pile up over time.) Second, although they do not accept credit cards, many stores will accept "ec-Karten", which works like a debit card and also serves as your ATM card. (Plus, if you are a smoker, the Zigarettenautomaten require you to insert your ec-Card as proof of your age before you can get your cigarettes. Pain in the ass if you don't have one!) Finally, Germans don't usually use checks. Rather, they pay their rent, bills, and other debts via bank transfer, or Überweisung. It is very difficult (and expensive) to transfer money from an American bank account, but if you have a German account, it is easy as pie (especially these days with online banking). You can even set up Daueraufträge to automatically pay your bills each month.

For all these reasons, I would try to open a bank account as soon as possible. In some areas, you must have your Mietvertrag (rental lease) to open a bank account. In others (like where I am living now), the Hausverwaltung needs your bank information before they will sign a lease with you. (You can see why this gets confusing!) It is also the case that many German banks offer students a free checking account (Girokonto) and free online banking. In fact, Germans prefer that you do all your transactions at the ATM or online. For this reason, they often charge a fee for doing any of your banking in person (i.e., at the bank). However, to open a Studentenkonto, you will need your student ID, your passport, and sometimes a piece of mail addressed to you at your German address (to show that you are a resident there). Currently, I am with the Sparkasse, but I have also banked with the Volksbank. Both are quite good, and the Sparkasse gives you a tin of bon-bons and a pen when you open an account with them! (The pen is good for signing the millions of forms you have to fill out to open the account.) I have also heard good things about the Postbank and Comdirect.

3. Get registered with the University.

Even if you're not planning on doing any long-term studying at the local Uni, if you're under 30, it's always a good idea to try and register with the university as an Austauschstudent(in) anyway. The registration fees for exchange students are often very low, and for around €200, you can usually get a SemesterTicket, which may or may not be identical to your Studentenausweis. The SemesterTicket allows you to travel for free within a certain radius (sometimes up to 200 km) on all the regional Verkehrsmittel - including trains! Thus, it pays itself off in no time. You can take all the buses, subways (U-Bahn), and streetcars (S-Bahn) around town without having to pay, and should you choose to do any traveling, you will always be able to go at least a certain portion of the way on regional trains (RB, RE, EC, IC) for free. (I also recommend the BahnCard 25 or 50, if you plan to travel a lot by train.) Your student ID will also allow you to eat for cheap in the university cafeteria (Mensa) and to receive discounts at various local stores and events.

However, the Einschreibung at the university can sometimes be tricky. The American and German educational systems are quite different, so I recommend getting in touch with the relevant persons at the Uni before you leave to see what they need from you. In some cases, they will want a photo + copies of your passport, your high school diploma, your college diploma (if you are applying for grad school), your master's degree (if you are applying to a PhD program), and your letter of invitation from a particular Fachbereich (if applicable). They sometimes also want proof of funding (bank account info, proof of scholarship/fellowship, etc.). Finally, it never hurts to have copies of your transcript(s), so you can show the admissions office where you are in your studies.

Some universities are trickier than others. In Münster, I was basically able to talk my way into a SemesterTicket by showing the guy the Fulbright-sponsored visa in my passport and giving him a copy of my B.A. diploma. In Marburg, however, it's taken weeks of back-and-forth emails and meetings to get registered, though this is partially due to the kind of program I am in. Nevertheless, it is totally worth it!

4. Get your Mietvertrag and go to the Einwohnermeldeamt.

Once you've settled in, you will need to register at the residency office in the Stadtbüro. In some areas, you need only your passport to do this. You can fill out the form at the Einwohnermeldeamt while you are waiting your turn to go sit at a desk with someone who will peruse your passport skeptically and make another photocopy of it. In other regions, you need a signed rental lease to get registered, so you may want to do that first. (You will need the Mietvertrag for the Ausländerbehörde anyway, so you might as well get it right away.) Note: If you have been registered anywhere in Germany before, bring the old address with you. The Germans don't only want to know where you are, but also where you've been.

5. Get registered at the Ausländerbehörde.

Although they are often found in the same building, while the Einwohnermeldeamt is usually pretty easygoing, the Ausländerbehörde is much more strict. These are the people who are going to give you your Aufenthaltsbewilligung (residency permit), which is necessary if you want to live in Germany for 3+ months. (A normal American tourist visa lasts for up to 3 months.) The Ausländerbehörde will need at least the following documents (if you are registering as a student): passport (Pass), your form from the Einwohnermeldeamt, rental lease (Mietvertrag), proof of health insurance (Bescheinigung der Krankenkasse), proof of being a student (Studentenausweis und Studienbescheinigung), proof of scholarship (Stipendienbestätigung) or other proof of funding, and a biometrisches Foto (see above).

6. Don't throw anything away!
Keep a file that contains all your documents. Everytime you get a new Bescheinigung, Bestätigung, or Zeugnis, file it away with all the others. At some point during your stay, you will probably need it!

A few tips to leave you with:

• The order in which you must complete the above tasks will vary from city to city and province to province. Make sure you know what your city requires to avoid redundant trips to various offices.
• Often the different offices will have different hours. Check online before you go to see when the offices you need to visit are open. (For example, the Einwohnermeldeamt and the Ausländerbehörde may be in the same building, but, say, on Thursdays the former may be open only in the afternoon, whereas the latter is open only in the morning.)
• Don't fret! You can always ask the person behind the desk to speak more slowly or to explain something carefully. They are used to dealing with foreigners, and although they may seem unfriendly, they are very efficient at their jobs and will convey to you what you need to know.
• Try to speak German. Although most of the people you will be dealing with can speak English, they take very well to your attempt to speak their language.
  
• Be friendly, but not overfriendly. Although the German administrative types appear to be "all business," they respond very well to polite gestures. Smile and greet them appropriately ("Hallo" or "Guten Tag"), ask questions politely, and say things like "einen schönen Tag noch," when you leave.
  
• When you're done, throw back a few German beers on the Terasse to remind yourself why it's all worth it!
  

German Awesomeness 1: Mülltrennung!

Since I already started a category for "German ridiculousity," I thought it was only fair to extol the praises of those parts of German society that absolutely kick ass. And what could be more ridiculously awesome than...*drumroll*...garbage separation! Ok, so it doesn't sound all that exciting. But "Mülltrennung" in Germany really is very progressive - and it goes to show that recycling need not be as difficult as most American cities make it out to be. So without further ado, an American's basic guide to separating trash in Germany:

1. The Yellow Bin: Der Grüne Punkt & Der Gelbe Sack.
The so-called "green dot" (see right) is the symbol found on most packaging. This tells you that the manufacturer contributes financially to the cost of collection and recycling. The company must pay a fee to put the green dot on their products (unless they choose to incur these costs on their own, which is usually more expensive). The more packaging, the higher the fee. So basically, the "green dot initiative" cuts down on the amount of packaging produced. This system has now been adopted all across Europe, but it started right here in Germany.

In general, most items labeled with the Grüne Punkt go in the Gelbe Sack (the "yellow sack" - see left). The yellow sack (which usually goes in the yellow bin outside) is where you throw most of your packaging: plastic bottles, bags, and wrap and aluminum cans (including aerosol cans), tins, and foil all go in here. Additionally, "bastard items" like cardboard drink containers with plastic spouts and other "composite" materials should go in the yellow sack. These items are sorted by hand (think: "green jobs") , so it is important to wash them out and not stack them inside one another. This is not difficult.
NOTE: You do not usually need to have an official yellow sack to do this (a regular plastic sack will do), nor do the items you put into the sack need to have the green dot on them to be recycled.

2. The Blue/Green Bin: Paper and Cardboard
In addition to the yellow bin, most if not all houses will have a blue or green paper/cardboard bin. Again, there is no need to sort products by type. This will be done later. Thus, newspapers, magazines, cardboard boxes, office paper, books (minus the covers), uncoated cardboard packaging (with or without the green dot), and the like all go in this bin. The only paper items to keep out of it are things like tissues and paper towels. These will most likely go in the biological waste container (see #3).

3. The Brown Bin: Biological Waste.
Of course the biological waste contained is brown - and so are most of the things you throw in it by the time it gets picked up. Yes, this is the gross, smelly container for compost. Food waste (except meat scraps), coffee grounds/filters, tea bags, hair, nail clippings, feathers, used Kleenex, paper towels, and even Christmas trees all go in this bin.

If you keep a special container for Bio-waste in your kitchen, as I do, here are a few tips for keeping the fruit flies out and the smell in:

• Buy a small container with a secure lid. Some apartments come with little "Biotonne" containers that have flip lids and convenient carrying handles, so you can hold the container far away from your nose as you take it out.
• Put the container under the sink or in a corner, away from your produce.
• Line the container with a plastic bag (so you don't have to wash it as often). Then buy biodegradable paper bags at the grocery store to line the plastic bag. Put your bio-waste in the paper bag.
• Try to keep coffee ground on top of the waste. Flies don't like the grounds very much and tend to stay away.
  
• When it come time to take out the Biotonne, take the entire container outside. Pull out the paper bag and throw it directly in the brown waste container. (You may choose just to dump it out upside down. This is okay, as it's all biodegradable anyway.) You will unlikely want to have the lid to the big Biotonne open very long, so get used to doing this quickly.
• Throw away the plastic liner when it gets too gross, but try to get a few uses out of it.
• Scrub out your mini-Biotonne every couple of weeks.

4. The Black Bin: Restmüll.
The black bin is for the rest of the stuff that doesn't get recycled. Sanitary napkins and tampons go here, as do diapers, cigarette butts and ash, electrical appliances, photos, etc. Basically, all the non-hazardous miscellanea that doesn't make it into any of the other containers.This stuff gets incinerated.

5. Glass Bottles: Altglas & Pfand
You are likely wondering about glass. This, too, is very easy. While not every apartment building will have containers for Altglas, you can usually find one within a block or two from your house. (These bins are often next to a donation box for old clothes and shoes: also very convenient!) There is usually one container for brown glass, one for green glass, and one for clear glass. (Blue glass goes in the green glass bin. I assume this goes for "grue" glass as well.) Make sure your bottles are clean and de-corked before you throw them in. Things like jars, wine bottles, oil bottles, and so on will go in the Altglas bins.

However, if the bottle contained something carbonated, you likely paid a deposit (Pfand) for it at the store. In Germany, this usually amounts to beer and mineral water bottles (including plastic mineral water bottles, so don't put those in the gelbe Sack!). These can be returned to the store, and you can sometimes make enough money to buy your next Kiste of beer. (I like to trade an empty Kiste for a full one, which means paying no Pfand for the full Kiste.)

6. The Other Crap.
Hazardous items need to be disposed of separately, and you should ask around to find out where such things get picked up. Batteries can be disposed of at your local shopping center, and for large items like old furniture, just wait for the Sperrmüll day (usually once a month). This is the day when everything goes out on the curb. Most of it ends up in a dumpster-diver's living room, but the rest gets picked up the following day.

I know it sounds complicated, but it's really pretty intuitive and (to my mind) easier than they make it in the U.S. In fact, I'm not sure why more States don't institute a similar system. It increases both manufacturer and consumer awareness and responsibility, creates green jobs, and all-in-all makes it really simple for lazy people to be environmentally conscious. What more can we ask for?

P.S. A few great sites on Mülltrennung: http://www.amiexpat.com/2008/03/10/sorting-trash-in-germany/ and http://www.howtogermany.com/pages/recycling.html.

The Search for Germany's Next Top Döner: Sofra Döner

The next stop on my search for the best Döner kebab around was Sofra Döner (Biegenstr. 1, in the not-so-historic Lahn Center), which came highly recommended. I had a Kalbfleischdöner mit Käse, alles drauf, mit Joghurtsose und ein bisschen Scharf. (I wanted a Hänchendöner, but they had just run out of chicken, so I had to settle for what I think is...veal?) The owner and her daughter appeared to be the only ones working, but they were both very friendly. The owner even offered me a free cup of tea. And unlike in some kebab shops, since I was eating my Döner there, I didn't have to pay until I was done. Overall, I feel like I've had better Döners elsewhere, but the staff is really nice and very approachable. (Many Döner shops make me feel like I'm ordering from the Soup Nazi. It can be very intimidating.) Definitely a good place for a Döner, and when you're done you can have a coffee at Tapas and Co., a nice little cafe with free wireless internet.

Waiting time: 5 minutes
Service: Very good. Mother + daughter were incredibly friendly, and appeared to know many of the people who walked by.
Price: €5,80 for a Kalbfleischdöner + a mineral water.
Size of Kebab: On the small side for the price you pay.
Meat Quality: Very good. Their Hänchendöner are also quite tasty (and not too dry!). However, the amount of meat was disappointing.
Toppings: So-so. The toppings weren't falling out of the pita, so eating the kebab was actually manageable. However, the toppings themselves were unfortunately proportioned: lots of lettuce and onions, but very little red cabbage, tomatoes, etc.
Sauce: Joghurtsose - a bit bland. Perhaps the garlic sauce is the way to go.
Overall impression: I probably won't stay away long, given the great location and friendly staff, but I think the Döner connaisseur could do better.

German Ridiculosity Part 1: The Poop Shelf

In this first installment of things I find absolutely ridiculous, silly, funny, annoying or just plain weird about life in Germany, I would like to point my American friends to the ubiquitous presence in German toilets of the so-called "poop shelf:"

Historically, the purpose of the poop shelf was to allow one to examine one's waste for worms and the like, but today the function (as I understand it) of this crap-tastically unnecessary slab of porcelain is to allow you to take a good long look at the magnificent dookie you have just taken before flushing it down to the bowels (no pun intended) of the German netherworld, never to be seen again.

This pooperific piece of German engineering allows you to take real pride in your fecal matter - not only by giving you a rather explicit visual experience of the glorious dump it took you half an article of Titanic to produce, but also by raising your turds that much closer to your olfactory glands, allowing you (whether you like it or not) to take a nice, deep whiff of the kids you just dropped off at the proverbial pool. (Of course, the pool metaphor seems inappropriate here.)

I leave you all with a reflection on the semiotic triangle of toilets by eccentric philosopher Slavoj Žižek. And I challenge us all to make an attempt to "directly confront" our excrement lest we forget that "...as soon as you flush, you're right in the middle of ideology."

The Search for Germany's Next Top Döner: Bereket Döner Kebab

As the first stop on my quest to find the perfect Döner kebab, I stopped at Bereket Döner Kebab (Pilgrimstein 31) for a kleinen Döner mit Käse, alles drauf, mit Knoblauchsose und ein kleines bisschen Scharf. It was quite busy - probably due to the Stadtfest that was going on in Marburg this weekend. However, I was able to find a place to sit and eat my kebab in peace. The shop is small but gemütlich, and the staff is reasonably friendly. The Döner itself was pretty satisfying and sets a good standard for comparison. More reviews to come!

Waiting time: 15 minutes
Service: Good. A bit slow, but pretty friendly for as busy as they were at the time.
Price: €4,40 for a small Döner + a small Sprite
Size of Kebab: Very good. I ordered a small Döner, and what I got was still enough for the husky appetite. I hate to think how big the regular-sized Döner would be.
Meat Quality: A bit dry. (But I think I got the tail-end of the Dönerspieß.)
Toppings: Lots and lots of toppings. A large part of them fell out when I set down my plate on the table (see left). This could be partially due to operator error, however.
Sauce: Knoblauchsose (garlic sauce) - very tasty!
Overall impression: Worth another visit.